Many of those who want marriage equality do not want fidelity.

Mollie Ziegler Hemingway

Same-sex marriage advocates frequently ask, "How would gay marriage affect your marriage?" The question is posed rhetorically, as if marriage is a private institution with no social consequences.

But The New York Times, of all papers, argues that gay unions could significantly alter marriage norms. A new study of gay couples in San Francisco shows that half are "open," meaning that partners consent to each other having sex with other people. The Times says that the prevalence of such relationships could "rewrite the traditional rules of matrimony" by showing straight couples that monogamy need not be a "central feature" of marriage and that sexually open relationships might "point the way for the survival of the institution."

In the gay community, open relationships are neither news nor controversial. Many of my partnered, gay male friends are in open relationships, some of which have lasted for decades. But the Times reporter, Scott James, who is himself gay, notes that nobody in an open relationship agreed to give their full name for the story, worrying that "discussing the subject could undermine the legal fight for same-sex marriage."

Indeed, some gay activists were upset with the Times. Gay political commentator Andrew Sullivan derided the piece and pointed to several critiques of the study. However, Sullivan himself has made the same argument, saying that gay male unions could "help strengthen and inform" traditional marriages.

"Among gay male relationships, the openness of the contract makes it more likely to survive than many heterosexual bonds …. There is more likely to be a greater understanding of the need for extramarital outlets between two men than between a man and a woman," he wrote in his book Virtually Normal.

Other same-sex marriage advocates say a legal change would transform the institution. New York University professor Judith Stacey, testifying before Congress against the Defense of Marriage Act, said changing the law to allow same-sex partners to marry would help "supplant the destructive sanctity of the family" and help it assume "varied, creative, and adaptive contours," including "small group marriages."

SOME IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT MEMBERSHIP

Your decision to become a member of St Matthews is an important one because by it you are saying: “I am committed to God’s family here”. Also, through your membership, St Matthews is saying to you: “We are committed to your well being”.

A commitment of this nature needs to be approached carefully for the following reasons:

1. As with all relationships, it is unwise to become committed until the parties have become well known to each other. It is important for the church to know whether you really are born again and it is equally important for you to discover whether we are a biblical church. Because of this, the Denomination has stipulated that a prospective member must have been regularly attending the services for at least 6 months prior to becoming a member.

If you have only been with us for a period of less than 6 months, don’t worry: Although you will not be taken into membership now, you (along with others in the same position) will be accepted next time. Obviously, you will not be required to come to any classes again

Furthermore, if you are a member of another church of another denomination, you will need to write a note to them resigning your membership.

Also, if you have not been baptised, this must be arranged prior to membership day.

2. Besides being a testimony as well as being a part of the building up of God’s family, church members also elect church leaders. It will do no good for us to allow people to become members whose allegiance is not to Christ because they will live, think and vote as the world does. This means that it is important for the church to ascertain where you are spiritually. If you are a believer and are endeavouring to serve Jesus Christ as best you can, we are privileged that you wish to join us. If there is too much uncertainty in this area, it is best to delay membership until your trust in Jesus Christ is evident to yourself and to us.

3. Membership and relationship are connected. Any idea of commitment to St Matthews that excludes making an effort to get to know fellow believers is foreign to our concept of membership. Consequently, we endeavour to make it as easy as possible for you to get to know people and to make Christian friends. It follows then, that if a member for no good reason stops coming to the services and ignores pastoral requests to return, the church council will cancel that person’s membership.

Please contact Mike Emslie if you have anything that you want to talk about in this regard.