The Christian Character for keeping unity

One of the principles of biblical discipline for children, that is, what is God’s standard for parents when it comes to disciplining or spanking their own children. Is that, after the child is spanked, the child is supposed to feel loved and directed towards God. So even though the child is spanked for their disobedience. Yet, they were always convinced that they were disciplined in love and for their good. And that they were never the object of hate, rejection, and vengeance for the parents. And the reason for disciplining in love is with the aim to keep the unity between the parent and child.

Interestingly, the fact that unity is kept between parent and child have little to do with the child’s ability to recover from the pain of discipline. And it also has little to do with their ability to not make the parent feel guilty for disciplining them. But it has everything to do with the parent’s ability to spank in love and keep the unity. The parent disciplines with unity in mind.

In other words, to discipline, correct, and rebuke, to keep unity takes an extremely godly, loving, and meek parent. Because godliness for the sake of unity is extremely difficult when you have every reason to be angry. The point is that, behind every act, attempt, and success story of Christian unity. Whether between parent and child, adults, or fellow believers stands a person or people with a godly character for unity. And behind every failure and indifference for unity stands someone with an ungodly character ripe for division.

Here in verse 2, Paul points out the believer’s character as the means to keep the unity they have in Christ. Last week we looked at church unity as the Christian call. Now Paul says, to keep their unity in Christ demands a unique person of character. To be specific, he says that it is the Christian call in Christ. Based on Christ’s unity with the Father and Spirit. That produces the Christian character in the believer to keep the unity with others. Notice verse 2, “Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love”. In other words, the person who is living out their call to unity in Christ. They live it out in this way. This means that, unity is not just dependent upon who a person is in Christ. Unity is also dependent upon who people are towards others when keeping it – meaning, what is their behavior like in keeping unity. Paul is basically saying that, unity is best kept when a person behaves in godly ways towards others.

Paul demonstrates what he means in verses 17-32. Showing here why who the person is in their godly behavior towards others is the best way to keep unity. Verses 17-19 says, Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. Paul says that, the Ephesian church should not be like the Gentiles who live in sin and accept the sin of others.

Then in verses 20-24, Paul says, instead they should live in accordance to the truth they learned in Christ. And that is to live in a new attitude of their minds. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Instead, they should live in accordance to the truth they learned in Christ. And that is to live in a new attitude of their minds.

It is in verses 25-32 that, Paul lays out how their Christian mindset to sin should look like as the church. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Paul says, they should speak truthfully. And even if they are sometimes angry, they should still speak truthfully, but without sinning. Instead, their truthful speaking should be helpful and build-up with kindness and forgiveness. And not speech that is done in rage, anger, bitterness, brawling, slander, and malice.

For Paul this is the godly behavior or their new mindset toward others that they learned in Christ that keeps the unity. Therefore, Paul’s instruction to the Ephesian church is aimed directly at the kind of Christians they ought to be to keep unity. Especially when it comes to dealing with one another’s sin, conflict, and broken relationships. In other words, unity is best kept when a believer aligns their behavior towards others intentionally to achieve that purpose. This means that anything less than godly behavior is a certain recipe for division. So Paul says in verse 2, Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. The same vision he had for the church in Colossae.

Paul says in Colossians 3:12-13, Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. The believer for the sake of keeping the unity in Christ clothe themselves with godly qualities, attitudes, and behavior to keep the unity.

But this is exactly where many people fail in obedience to live in unity with others. Some people do not know, realize, and believe that unity is best kept when the church who is striving for unity clothe themselves in godly behavior and qualities towards others.

Unfortunately, some people reject their call in Christ. That says that unity is best kept when believers clothe themselves in godly qualities towards others. Many people deal with others with behavior and qualities that is ungodly. Whether they deal with people in arrogance, hastiness, emotionalism, harshness, or with a hidden agenda. The reality is that unity is a rare spiritual attitude in churches because godliness is such a rare practice among the believers. When a church lacks unity, they are not lacking the systems and structures that harness their unity in Christ. But they are lacking the holiness to holds unity.

For example, I know of a situation a local church went through many years ago. Where the church and area bishop did not agree on something, and so, there was a lot of tension between them. After months of back and forth, the leadership of the denomination decided to send a ‘no-nonsense’ kind of man on behalf of the bishop. And we all know what that means. They send someone who would use any means possible to overcome the leaders of the local church, even if it means being ungodly. So rather than sending in the godliest person to deal with the situation. They believed ungodliness will be better. Only to find that their approach only made matters worse – there was a church split months later. The point is that, according to the Bible only godliness and pure spiritual behavior and qualities will suffice to maintain unity.

Pay attention to verse 2, Paul gives five qualities that are needed to keep church unity – these are – humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and love. John Stott says that the thread that runs through all five qualities is charity. This means that these qualities by their nature sets out to aid or help others to remain in unity. So let us look at each quality individually. Although a sermon could be preached about each quality. This is not Paul’s objective. Paul wants the Ephesian church to see them together.

Firstly, Paul says that unity is best kept when there is humility among believers. The Greek word here is really “lowliness of mind”. Interestingly, ‘humility’ or ‘lowliness of mind’ was never used by the Greeks. They looked down on this word because they attached it to slaves. So the Christians were the first to use the word humble as a good quality. James 4:6 says, God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. God sees pride as his enemy but blesses humility. No wonder the Lord Jesus humbled himself by becoming flesh (Phil 2). So the believer is someone who deals with others with a humility and lowliness of mind because there is blessing in it. Therefore, what keeps the unity is not so much what you think about others when you deal with them. If you think of yourself as better, holier, and higher, you will treat them as lower and filthier. Remember that, unity is not kept by putting others in their place. But unity is kept by understanding and knowing your own place. This means, you must be slow to label others as proud, while forgetting your own pride. You may cause division. Instead, help the proud by bearing in mind your own tendencies to be boastful.

Paul next points out the quality that is a natural product of humility or lowliness of mind, that is, gentleness (or meekness). The perfect balance of these two qualities was seen in the Lord Jesus. In Matthew 11:29 Jesus says, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. These two qualities are indistinguishable. The humble is usually gentle as well. In other words, at the end of every gentle sentence the humble believer speaks, unity awaits. But if spoken arrogantly or in a condescending manner unity is not kept.

Then Paul says that unity is kept through both patience and forbearance as also a pair. On the one hand, patience is when the believer clothes themselves in longsuffering. The way God in Christ is patient with us, as we sin against him. Numbers 14:18 says, The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. On the other hand, forbearance is when the believers has tolerance with one another. This means that, unity is kept when believers tolerate other people’s sin against them.

Paul ends by saying that, all these qualities are an act of love. All to say that, it is sometimes loving to remain quiet when someone wronged you. It is loving to wait and see if the one who wronged you grow out of the sin, and not be angry too quickly. It is also loving to watch in what tone you address people’s sin, whether gentle or not. And it is loving to think of yourself in a low position before and while dealing with others. The point is that, unity is simply love expressed in lowliness, gentleness, patience, and forbearance. Another way of saying it is, if the church devotes themselves to these qualities – their love for one another will keep them united.

So which parent keeps the unity with their children – the godly one? And which church keeps their unity in Christ – the godly one. Why? Because unity is the call of Christ lived out in spiritual behavior, qualities, and character. Therefore, how would you describe your character? Do you strive to keep unity with other believers, or are you known for being divisive? If you are known for being a divisive person in the way you deal with others, and not a unifying one. It may be because you never said yes to the call of God in Christ. Because those who live out his call, they keep his unity.